The Mariano Files
by Lady.of.Victory.Rising
Summary: Who else thought that Season 7 was missing... something? Could it maybe have been a certain shy, sarcastic writer-boy? So here are all the deleted Jess scenes from S7, beginning with a tag scene to Paul Anka. Literati undertones, but follows GG canon.
1. Footnotes to a Fight

**Title-** The Mariano Files  
**Author-** Kàra  
**Rating-** PG-13 for language  
**Summary-** Who else thought that Season 7 was missing... _something_? Could it maybe have been a certain shy, sarcastic writer-boy? So here are all the deleted Jess scenes from S7, beginning with a tag to Paul Anka. Lit undertones, but follows GG canon.

AN- I firmly believe that there were a ton of scenes from Season 7 with Jess in them, or in which someone mentioned/talked about/discussed Jess, but they were cut out in the interest of time. Hence... this. There will be one for every episode from TRPA through the finale, but don't expect them to be regularly posted! There will be a sequel to this once I finish it, because this is building up to some post-finale stuff.

* * *

Deleted Scene #1  
The Real Paul Anka

_"'I'm here for you,' she said,_  
_and we can stay for awhile._  
_My boyfriend's gone,_  
_we can just pretend..."  
_-Anberlin

* * *

As they said those parting words- not angry, not shouting and desperate, just sad- Jess felt a part of himself ripping apart and he just wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, anything to let out the misery that was filling him. He had gotten so good at telling himself that he didn't miss her (not at believing it, but he'd take what he could get) that he had managed to block out the way he felt about her. But the moment he had kissed her, he had let those floodgates down and all his pent-up emotions had filled him up and he had known, without a shadow of a doubt, _he still loved her._

And she was in love with the blonde asshole. Just fucking perfect. So here he was, finally ready to give her all of himself, everything he had held back before, and she... didn't care. So he let her walk out the door.

Even then, though, he knew he wouldn't sleep unless he actually saw her drive away from him. He crossed to the window and peered out. For a moment, all he saw was her conspicuously unoccupied car, and an empty street. At first, he was confused. Then he realized she was sitting on Truncheon's front steps, her head in her hands, looking defeated. Before he was really aware of what he was doing, he had shot out the door.

"You okay?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"Not really. Just trying to process," she admitted timidly. She sighed, staring at her shoes for a long time before she glanced up at him. "This... _thing_--" She gestured between them to emphasize her point. "--Between us never goes away, does it?"

It didn't. Not for him. But he was hurting and angry and not about to give her the satisfaction. "I don't know what you mean," he said coldly.

"Hey, _you_ kissed _me_!" she pointed out.

"You kissed me _back_," he retorted.

She nodded, breaking his gaze and returning her eyes to their previous preoccupation with the buckles on her shoes. "I know," she murmured. "That's what worries me. No matter what happens, no matter how much time passes, there's always... something." Suddenly her eyes shot to his and he was taken aback by the open, vulnerable expression on her face. "I came here because of Logan, but I have to leave because of you. Does that make sense?"

"No."

"What Logan did to me, it was just sex. Meaningless sex. If I used you like that- which I am disgusted with myself for considering even subconsciously, by the way- I don't think it would be meaningless. Then I would be the one in the wrong. It would hurt Logan worse than what he did to me. And it would hurt me. I think I would be... conflicted. I don't want that. I just want things to be _simple_ again! And worse, I would hurt you. I mean, I already have. I know I have, don't deny it. But if we did _that_, it would be so much worse--"

"You're telling me!" Jess interjected, with a bark of humorless laughter.

Rory shook her head. "I can't do that to you. I just can't."

It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that she didn't care, because that would mean that he was just a moron who couldn't let go. If she had said that, he would have been robbed of hope, and maybe he could have moved on and tried to find his second-best. This, though... This was making his stupid, stubborn heart hurt worse than if she had laughed in his face.

"God, what is wrong with me?!" she burst out. "I shouldn't be thinking about any of this! Cheating boyfriends, trying to cheat right back... it's all so horrible and I went and dragged you into it." She was contemplative for the briefest of moments before saying in a much quieter voice, "I think I lied. Everything's not fixed. Something in me got lost, didn't it?"

He nodded. "You're different. Not in a good way."

She looked dejected, and he had to add, "We all fall down, sometimes. Look at me. I figured it out. Took me way too long, but I did it. You will, too." And the sick part is? He believes so strongly in her, in everything that she has the potential to be, that he really believes that.

"Thanks, Jess," she said. They sat in a silence that was neither uncomfortable nor companionable for some minutes. Then, suddenly, she burst out, "I hate this!"

"What, sitting on my doorstep in the middle of the night?" he asked sardonically.

"No!" Rory shook her head vehemently. "Not feeling like I can _talk_ to you! Whenever something good happens, I find myself wanting to tell you about it, but I can't just call you out of the blue, because there's all that history. I just... I just miss being your friend!"

He was shocked. "What?"

"I hate that, just because once upon a time we broke each other's hearts, we can't just put it aside and try to be friends."

"Friends?"

"Yeah," Rory said. "Bury the hatchet, call a ceasefire, let go of the past, just... be friends."

Jess stared at her. It was almost a foreign concept, and he rolled it around his mind, testing it out. He wondered if it made him pathetic that he was desperate enough to have her in his life that he would settle for friendship.

"I'd like that," he said slowly. Was it possible that he hadn't lost her quite yet? "Honestly, Rory, I've missed you like hell. I miss talking to you." And then there was the thought niggling at the back of his head that he and Rory couldn't possibly stay Just Friends forever. There was too much chemistry between them. It might be foolish, but she was giving him hope with all of her talk of missing him and caring too much and not wanting to sleep with him because it would leave her "conflicted" (whatever the hell that meant). He couldn't help but wonder if, were he just patient enough, the ball wouldn't roll back in his favor at last.

And honestly? The brilliant smile that exploded across her face as he acquiesced made it worth it.

Yep, he was definitely pathetic.

"Thank you, Jess," Rory said quietly.

"So how exactly does the friends thing work?" he asked good-naturedly. "I'm somewhat new to the concept."

She laughed. It was the first time he'd heard her laugh in awhile. "I can imagine," she said in a teasing voice. "Um... phone calls to keep in touch, the occasional visit if either of us happens to be in the area, that sort of thing. Tell me before your next book gets published."

Jess snorted. "You don't even know if I'm working on anything," he pointed out. "How do you know I'll even write another book, let alone publish it?"

"Because you love it," she responded honestly. "You love writing. It's what you were born to do, and we both know it. I think you like this editing/publishing thing, too, but writing is your calling."

There it was: that flash of certainty and the vivaciousness in her tone which he has always associated with her. And it's talking about him, about his budding career, that brought it out. That, more than anything, gives him hope for a foggy, tentative someday.

After a few more minutes of idle conversation, they parted with a hug and a promise to keep in touch. And when Jess Mariano went back inside, he was wearing a small grin and a newly bandaged heart.

* * *

**AN-** This is probably (keyword PROBABLY) the most Lit-ish chapter for quite awhile. But Lit lovers, never fear- there will be UNDERTONES galore. Season 2... only better! Because mature!Jess makes everything that much more fantastic!


	2. Text Message Buddies

**A/N-** It's baaaaack! The indelible Mariano returns! This time with cookies...  
Okay, no, Jess has no cookies. But that's because, as we all know, a perfect thing cannot exist in nature. And Jess + cookies (at least, if they were chocolate chip) would be too perfect for the space/time continuum to handle and it would implode, killing us all instantly. So that's the news from Lake Woebegone, folks: don't let Jess near cookies! Especially if he baked them himself!

Also, I'm just going to reuse the same world for Truncheon that I've created for Always, because I don't feel like completely recreating the Truncheon Boys' universe when I like the one I have so very, very much.

* * *

Deleted Scene #2  
I Get a Sidekick Out of You

_"With the light she disappeared _  
_And set me in a whirl _  
_And I hope that beautiful girl..."_  
-Slint

* * *

"Oh, who's that?" Lorelai asked, pointing at the picture.

"Um, that's me... with April," Rory confessed, feeling guilty.

Her mother's expression made the guilty feelings worse. "April? When did you meet April?"

Rory grimaced. This was another delicate topic. "Um, when I went to Philadelphia for Jess' open house," she said, wondering how the hell she was going to balance two uncomfortable conversations at once.

"Jess? Philadelphia? What am I missing here?" Lorelai exclaimed in her I'm-seeing-subtext tone of voice. Rory wished immediately that she had kept her mouth shut; she knew her mother always assumed that there was something going on when Jess was involved. Which was ridiculous, of course. She was over Jess, had been for a long time. Well, maybe not a _long_ time, but she was! It wasn't her fault that Jess hadn't been as successful at burying- no, she berated herself, not burying, _eliminating!_ She had _eliminated_ her feelings. Burying implied that they were still there, somewhere, just hidden- his feelings.

"Nothing," she defended. "Jess' work had an open house, I was invited and I went. Luke showed up with April, it was a total fluke."

Lorelai still looked thrown. "I- God, I-I didn't know you were seeing Jess!" she said, still sounding a little strange with the topic.

"I'm not _seeing_ him, we're just friends!" Rory insisted. 'Seeing' sounded a little too date-like for comfort. And maybe if she didn't look too closely, she wouldn't have to wonder why she read so much into what was probably casual, thoughtless word-choice.

But it reminded her of their agreement to try to be friends. A week had passed since they saw each other at the open house, and no word had come from Jess. She guessed it had been stupid to expect him to send the first email or text or letter or whatever. He had already made enough moves in their eternal chess game. Maybe it was her turn to open the door. Besides, if she was completely and totally honest with herself, she missed having conversations with him. It was time to do something about that. And so once Lorelai had gone to go get some more drinks, Rory pulled out her phone...

* * *

A week after their encounter, the first text message came. Jess had been stewing since the night of the open house. He was (sort of) okay with them being friends (because it gave him access to her). He was (kind of) okay with her dating the blonde dick (because he was fairly sure it wouldn't last). He was (partially) coming to terms with the events that had occurred at the open house (because from what she'd said, she hadn't come with the _intent_ to use him). But it still hurt, and that still sucked, and he didn't want to be the one to make the first move _again_.

So he was grateful when she broke the silence. He received the text after the store was closed for the day, and he was crashing in the apartment, having declined Matthew, Chris, and Jacob's invitation to go see some indie film at a local theatre. He almost jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

_Hi, thought it was about time for us to work on this friends thing, so here's me, contacting you_. _-Rory_

He had replied back immediately. _Hey. Here's me contacting you back. How'd you get my cell number? -J_

_Luke. He looked completely freaked out when I asked for your number. -Rory_

Just imagining the expression on his uncle's face at the idea of renewed contact between Rory and himself was enough to bring a smil- er, _smirk-_ to Jess' face. _Was it that same look he gets when Kirk starts talking matter-of-factly about obscene things? -J_

_That's the one. -Rory_

He cast around for something new to say. It was imperative that he keep the conversation going. He somehow knew that this first overture of friendship was critically important and they had to get this right if his half-formed hopes for the future had any chance at all of being realized someday. Finally, he settled for something so generic, he wanted to kick himself after sending it. _So, what's up in the Hollow? -J_

_Lane's wedding is , weddings, actually. The town has been overrun with Koreans. -Rory_

Jess chuckled, picturing a hundred Mrs. Kims terrorizing the citizens. _Might not be a bad thing. So who's the lucky guy. (Or guys? Why multiple weddings?) -J_

_Zach Van Gerbig, the lead singer for their band. They had to have two weddings because Lane's grandma doesn't know they're Christian. -Rory_

_So they had a Buddhist wedding, too? -J_

_Yep. It was hysterical. They made Zach wear the Korean equivalent of a kimono. -Rory_

_I'd have paid cold hard cash to see that. Was he ticked? -J_

_He had about the same reaction to the dress as your step-father had to his "air-pants." -Rory_

_Oh dear god, please don't call TJ my step-father. It's bad enough having to occasionally talk to him... -J_

_He's not that bad, is he? -Rory_

_Yes he is. The man owns (and frequently uses) an Etch-a-Sketch. Not to mention the tights. -J_

_Well, Etch-a-Sketches are cool! But the tights... that is a little weird. He and Kirk should form a club. -Rory_

_So tell Lane congratulations for me. I bet Mrs. Kim is over the moon. -J_

_Surprisingly, yes. And as predicted, Hep Alien played their own reception. And speaking of Kirk, he fired all his bartenders. -Rory_

_Why? -J_

_Apparently one made eyes at his girlfriend and he got jealous. -Rory_

_I want you to reread that sentence and then lay off the crazy juice known as Stars Hollow well-water. -J_

_No, Kirk really does have a girlfriend. They've been going out for years. -Rory_

_I've officially heard everything. -J_

_So cynical! So jaded! -Rory_

_Any other highlights of the evening you feel like sharing? -J_

_Well, Kyon and Brian are making out at the table next to me. -Rory_

_Who's Kyon? -J_

_The Korean exchange student Mrs. Kim is hosting. -Rory_

_And Brian is the asthmatic guitarist, right? -J_

_That's the one. -Rory_

_Wow. And Mrs. Kim isn't bearing down on them with a Bible and a pitcher of holy water to dump on them? -J_

_Nope. She went to bed early and put in the good earplugs so she doesn't have to hear the goings-on. Apparently that's her wedding present. -Rory_

_Gotta give the woman credit for that, I guess. -J_

_You're a really slow texter, you know that? -Rory_

_Well that was out of the blue. -J_

_It's true, though. -Rory_

_It's not as though I practice this sort of thing. The only people I would ever bother to text either don't own cell phones, or live within two feet of me. -J_

_Makes sense. -Rory_

A second later, a second text message from her came. _Oh god, Mom's giving a horrifying drunken toast. I have to go! -Rory_

And that was the end of that. Jess stared at his phone for a long minute, then sent one final message: _Talk to you soon. -J_

_

* * *

_**A/N2-** I had issues with this chapter. The Driving Miss Gilmore chapter keeps wanting to be written, and I'm having a hard time getting THAT out of my head long enough to write something else.


	3. Party Planning

**A/N-** No Lit in this one, but I never promised they'd all be Lit... I had a really hard time coming up with decent lyrics to fit this one. I was about this close to saying "screw it" and just going for some Cat Stevens lyrics, because that's always a good bet for the Luke/Jess dynamic, but then this song came up on shuffle, and for some reason the first verse struck me with a very Jess-like vibe. It's a bit shorter than the others, but what can I say? Not all scenes are long.

* * *

Deleted Scene #3  
Super-Cool Party People

"And my time was running wild  
A million dead-end streets  
Every time I thought I'd got it made  
It seemed the taste was not so sweet..."  
-David Bowie

* * *

"_Jess, you gotta help me!_"

Leaning against his desk, Jess smirked at the desperate tone in his uncle's voice. "Hello to you, too, Uncle Luke," he said archly.

"_Jess, I'm serious, I don't know what to do!_"

"You're going to have to give me a bit more to work with than that if you expect me to be of any use," Jess responded.

He could hear Luke groan on the other end of the line. "_The party, the party, April's birthday party! It's a total disaster! The girls are just sitting there, staring at each other!_"

He was tempted to laugh at how flustered the older man was growing, but controlled the urge, taking pity on his poor uncle. "What do you have for them to do?" Jess asked, wondering if Luke realized he'd called the person _least_ likely to know what to do for a thirteen-year-old girl's birthday party.

"_Um, they've got a deck of cards..._" Luke said uncertainly.

Jess shook his head, unable to remove the smirk from his face if he'd tried. "Jeez, Luke, they're a bunch of preteen girls! They don't do the mingling thing any better than I do, you have to have _something_ for them to do."

Luke seemed almost more confused than before when he asked, "_Like what_?"

"How would I know? I'm not exactly the expert on what kids do for fun."

"_Please, Jess, you've gotta give me something here! I need to fix this, quick! Last week, I was the cool dad! I wasn't embarrassing! I was Hagrid!_"

Jess raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"_Never mind,_" Luke muttered. "_What do I do?_"

"Call Lorelai," Jess said authoritatively.

"_What? No!_" Luke said firmly.

"Why not?"

There was a long silence and Jess was suddenly reminded of his awkward introduction of Rory to April the week before: '_She's actually the daughter of the woman I'm with. My fiancée. Lorelai. You met her that one time - it's kind of complicated._' A nauseating sense of foreboding crept up in him. Something was very wrong between his uncle and Lorelai Gilmore the elder, and he felt compelled to say, "Luke, is everything okay with you two?"

"_Of course it is,_" Luke said, too quickly. "_I just, um... she's too fun._"

"Huh?"

"_April's not gonna want to spend any time with me after meeting Lorelai! I mean, god knows I wouldn't!_"

Jess snorted. "Yeah right."

Luke was serious, though. "_I'm not kidding, Jess. You know how she is. Kids love her! Why would April want to spend any time with her boring dad when she could hang out with her fun future stepmom instead?_"

"Speaking as someone who grew up without a father," Jess said seriously, "I can tell you right now that meeting Lorelai isn't gonna change your relationship with April. It might even make it better."

He read into Luke's contemplative silence, and hoped he'd gotten through to him. Eventually, the older man said gruffly, "_I guess. Uh, thanks Jess._"

"What I'm here for," Jess shrugged off.

"_And Jess?_"

"Yeah?"

"_Don't be a stranger, okay? Call more than every couple of months. Maybe visit once in awhile._"

"I'll see if I can drop by for Christmas or something," Jess said, and oddly, he thought he would.

People went home for Christmas, didn't they?

* * *

**A/N2-** And next, for the one that I've REALLY been looking forward to writing...!


	4. Jealous of a Jellybean

**A/N-** This one is actually a double- TWO additional scenes for Driving Miss Gilmore because I just felt that they were both necessary; one or the other simply wouldn't do justice to the ideas I'm trying to convey here. I've always thought that Jess would be supremely freaked out by Liz Danes bringing another innocent child into the world, and I really wanted to explore the effect that "happy" news would have on him. It got just a bit out of hand, length-wise, but I go where my muse takes me.

* * *

Deleted Scene #4  
Driving Miss Gilmore

_"I'm watching you, I'm watching her,_  
_I'll take no pity from you friends._  
_Who is right, who can tell,_  
_And who gives a damn right now?"_  
_-Joy Division _

* * *

Liz smiled gently at the small but noticeable bump. She glanced at her snoring husband, then at the clock. It was only a little after eleven. Her brother's words from before were haunting her. _Jess turned out fine. Your son turned out fine. He's doin' great._

No thanks to her. She didn't think Jess would ever understand how much she regretted... certain parts of his growing up.

Impulsively, Liz slipped out of bed and went to the telephone in the kitchen. She dialed the Philadelphia area code, then the only four digits she had memorized. After three rings, Jess picked up. "'_Lo?_" he asked, sounding sleepy.

"Hi, Jess!" she said, in her best cheerful voice.

"_Liz?_"

"Hi, son. I didn't wake you up, did I? Oh, I did, I'm sorry!"

"_It's okay_," he said. "_Why'd you call?_"

She tugged nervously on her ear. She wasn't sure why she was doing this now. Maybe it was because, in the light of day, she wouldn't have the courage to make this most difficult of phone calls. "I actually have some news," she told him. "You're gonna be a big brother!"

Silence.

Then: "_Oh_."

Liz was scatterbrained sometimes and she knew it, but though her son might have gotten his brains from his father, his ability to read people was all her, and she could hear the strain in that one syllable. "Yeah," she said carefully, wanting to give him a few seconds to process without upsetting the balance of his thoughts. It was so important that he was happy about this. "I thought I should tell you," she said nervously, laughing a little. "You know, before the kid gets born, so that you're not caught by surprise when you visit sometime."

"_Right_," Jess said, and his voice was still tight with some kind of emotion.

The line was quiet for a few moments and then Liz said, seriously, "Jess, I'm gonna do it right this time. I just want you to know that."

"_Good,_" he said earnestly. After another couple of seconds slipped away in silence, he said, "_That all?_"

Liz nodded and said, "Yeah. Yeah, that's it."

"_Okay. I'll, uh, I'll see you._"

"Bye, son."

"_Bye._"

Liz went back to bed. Her conscience was appeased, but her newly discovered maternal instincts were firing like crazy, and she felt a sleepless night coming on. But when TJ wrapped an arm around her slightly swollen belly and pulled her close, a little smile crossed her face and she drifted off, content to worry about her first baby tomorrow.

* * *

Deleted Scenes #5  
Driving Miss Gilmore

_"This night has been a long one,_  
_Waiting on a word that never comes._  
_A whisper in the dark;_  
_Is that you or just my thoughts?_  
_Wide awake & reaching out..."_  
_-Pearl Jam_

* * *

It was nine a.m. and a Sunday.

Jess had not slept.

He had nowhere to be, and no work to do.

Liz's call was playing itself over and over as he stared at the ceiling.

By the time the display on his dysfunctional alarm clock read nine-thirty, he had given up on ever getting back to sleep.

By the time it read two p.m., he had attempted to socialize with his roommates and only succeeded in being snappish and irritable with them both and retreating to his room once more.

At two-thirty, he finally gave in to the urge that had been tormenting him since a little before midnight. Jess needed to talk to someone. It was a rare occurrence, but there were times in his life where the things he was feeling simply became too much for him to sort through on his own. Until recently, his method of dealing with that had been shutting down and running away. Now, though, he was trying the "mature, responsible adult" thing and turning to other people for help.

Ordinarily, he would talk to Matthew or Chris, or more likely Jacob, who frequently acted like the protective older brother to all the Truncheon crew. But not with this. As much as he respected and cared for his friends, there were some things he just couldn't open up for public inspection. He supposed he could have talked to Luke, but from their conversation the other day, he thought his uncle had enough problems without him adding to it. He was left with only one option.

Rory.

* * *

Logan was passed out on the couch, high on pain medication and sleepy from the effort of walking all the way from the bed, when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the number on the screen, then did a double-take.

Jess.

She hadn't talked to him since the night of Lane's wedding. She had only thought of him sporadically since then. Honestly, she felt a bit guilty for that, but with Logan injured, she hadn't had much time for anything but wearing her Florence Nightingale hat (and Yale, but that went without saying).

"Hello," she answered.

"_Hi._"

Jess' familiar voice brought a tiny smile to her face. "What have you been up to?" she asked, moving to the other side of the room to avoid waking Logan.

"_Same old_," Jess responded nonchalantly, but there was an edge to his voice that grabbed her attention. He was quiet for a moment, then said, "_Heard our mutual father-figure threw a birthday party yesterday._"

Rory grinned. "Thank god for Mom. Last I heard, the party was a huge success. Poor Luke, trapped in a diner with about a dozen teenagers before he thought to call her!"

"_Yeah, well, it probably beats livin' with me for two years,_" Jess said, and that edge was back. She had resolved not to push it, but couldn't help it. Not when he had that sound in his voice like an emotional breakdown waiting to happen.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"_Technically. I just... I, uh..._"

If she hadn't known better, she'd have thought he sounded embarrassed.

"_I needed to talk to somebody._"

Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "That's a first!" It sounded almost bitter, which was ridiculous because she was long over the hurt he had caused her, shutting her out. Right?

Upon hearing his tiny sigh, she knew she'd misstepped. "_Never mind_," he said. "_It was stupid, anyway_."

"No!" she said, maybe a little too quickly. "That's not stupid, Jess. Needing to talk or vent or whatever isn't a bad thing. And that's what friends are for, right?"

"_I guess_," he replied.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"_My mom's having a baby._"

Rory's eyes widened. Liz was pregnant? "Wow!"

"_Yeah._"

"That's good, right?" Rory asked.

"_I guess._"

"That's not good?"

"_It is. It's just... hitting home how different this kid's life is gonna be from..._"

"From how yours was," she finished for him. She could picture the tension in his shoulders and his blank eyes. This was the point where he would shrug, say he was fine, and change the subject.

He sighed. "_Yes. I just keep thinking, _'_this kid is never gonna have to deal with Liz passed out on the kitchen floor because she drank too much again. She's never going to be left alone for days while Liz is wherever shooting up_.'"

Rory's heart almost stopped. She had tried once when they were dating to get Jess to talk about his life before Stars Hollow, and it had resulted in him shutting down completely and walking away. After that, she had settled for assuming it wasn't all that nice. Now here he was, finally letting her in on the secret, maybe not directly, but it was more than she'd ever gotten before. She had always assumed that, if she ever found out the truth, she would know how to react, but faced with it, she discovered that she was coming up short.

Jess, luckily, didn't seem to notice her distressed silence. He was still unloading. "_And let's face it, TJ might be a freak, but he's harmless. This kid is gonna be fine. She's gonna grow up happy_."

She was still trying to process the tidbits of information she'd been given and latched onto the easiest part of his statement to deal with. "She?" Rory asked. "You think it'll be a girl?"

"_I figure Liz should have the little girl she always wanted_."

"She wants a daughter, then?"

"_Why do you think I have such a girly name?_" Jess asked rhetorically, and she could hear just how hard he had to try to achieve the arch, nonchalant tone he was going for.

"Jess," she said softly, sympathy rushing up in her.

"_That was my point_," he joked. Then he sighed. "_Shit, this is weird_."

Rory nodded. She knew he couldn't see her, but she thought he might know she was nodding anyway.

"_I guess I..._" He hesitated, and she heard his deep, calming breath. "_I guess I've always wondered why I wasn't enough. Why wasn't I enough for her to just get it together? Why did she pick the flavor of the week boyfriend over me, when I was the one..._"

Jess stopped short very suddenly.

"When you were the one what?" she prompted.

"_Never mind_," he said quickly.

"Jess, you can say it," Rory said gently.

He took another deep breath. "_I was, uh... I was the one with the bruises_," he mumbled.

Rory's heart stuttered again and her stomach churned. "You were..." she breathed.

"_Yeah_," he said quickly.

"Oh Jess," she said quietly.

"_It's fine_," he said brusquely. "_I'm fine. It happened. Whatever. It wasn't like it was all the time. Some of the boyfriends were actually okay guys, but they couldn't deal with Liz for long, so they never stuck around. Most of the rest just took the TV on their way out the door. There were only a handful that were really bad. Don't make a big deal out of it_."

Rory bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. "I have this really strong urge to hug you right now," she confessed.

Jess laughed softly. "_It's probably better that you're not here, right now. I don't think I could talk about this if I could see you_."

"Right," she said, and they were quiet for a moment. At last, Rory said, "I hate that it was like that for you. It makes me sick, thinking about anybody hurting you."

"_Yeah, well..._" His tone was different, and she could tell he wanted the topic closed. "_It won't be like that for this kid. That's what's important, right?_"

"I guess," she said, even though it really didn't feel like that at all. But it was her job as the supportive friend to let him guide the talk. "After all, Liz did get it together eventually."

"_I know_," Jess said. "_I just... feel really stupid for being jealous of a thing that's the size of, like, a jelly bean right now_."

"That's not stupid," she assured him. "I'd say feeling like that is really normal."

"_Maybe. Anyway, it's like you said. Liz is clean now. She'll probably be a pretty decent mother_."

"And she'll have Luke to keep an eye on her, and we both know how great he is."

"_Yes_," he said, and his tone was suspiciously light and breezy. "_Just not with thirteen-year-old girls._"

She chuckled, unable to help herself. "I'll have you know that he was really great when I was that age." She knew what he was doing- he felt like he'd let her see too much, and wanted to make the conversation go somewhere he was more comfortable with.

"_Well, I'd imagine you probably weren't the typical preteen, either._"

"Are you calling me abnormal?"

"_Maybe_," he said casually. "_And you know, I've met some of those Renaissance faire people, and I bet they'll be a great extended family. A really, um... _special_... extended family, but they're decent people. The kid'll be fine." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that_.

Rory smiled softly. "She will. And you know what? She'll also have a pretty great older brother who'll make sure of it."

Jess was quiet for what felt like a long time. "_Yeah_," he said finally. "_And maybe that insane town of yours will actually come in handy for once_."

"There will never have been a more beloved baby in Stars Hollow's history," Rory assured him.

"_Good_," Jess said seriously, and apparently decided that it was time to change the subject. "_So, uh, how's the boyfriend?_"

Rory grinned. "Nice segue."

"_You like that?_" he teased, and she couldn't help but giggle.

"Subtle changes of topic always were your thing," she said sarcastically. "Logan is... well, he kind of fell off a cliff a few weeks ago."

"_A cliff_," Jess stated curiously.

She sighed. "Yeah. It was some stupid fraternity stunt. They were BASE-jumping in Costa Rica. His parachute malfunctioned. He was in the hospital for a long time."

"_Sorry to hear that. He's okay, right?_" His concern sounded surprisingly genuine. She was used to negative responses from Jess toward her boyfriends; this was a new sort of reaction.

"He'll be fine," she said. "He got out of the hospital yesterday, but his leg's gonna be casted up for awhile..."

* * *

They had chatted about inane topics for awhile, before Jess excused himself, saying that his roommate had set the stove on fire (and from the background noises, she actually thought he was telling the truth about that). The fact that he had sounded calm and amused saying it made her really want to meet Jess' friends. If that sort of thing was a regular enough occurrence for him to be nonchalant about it, she suspected they were very interesting people.

Rory set her phone on the table and let out a sigh, sitting back in her chair. The conversation had left her emotionally drained. All of a sudden, she felt like she knew Jess better than she ever had when they were together, and not at all. He had finally given her some insights into what had shaped him, and it was both surprising and saddening.

He was different from the angry boy she thought she'd known. It seemed that the verbal thing came a lot more than it went lately, and it amazed her. At the same time, she had learned things about him that she wasn't sure she'd actually wanted to know. The idea of a young Jess, alone and afraid and hurt, made her heart hurt.

At the thought, a few tears slipped from her eyes. Then she sighed, and stood up. She couldn't think about it now. She had to be strong for Logan. There would be time for a freakout and a good cry when he was gone to London and didn't need her around to be a steadying influence anymore. But suddenly, her umbrage over Mitchum Huntzberger's quote about her in the Wall Street Journal didn't seem like as big of a deal as it had this morning.

* * *

**A/N2-** I make no apologies. But I will shamelessly beg for reviews. BEG! SHAMELESSLY BEG!


	5. To Fill A Silence

**A/N-** Ohhhh my god, guys. I've been away for awhile, haven't I? REALLY sorry about that. I kind of had a falling-out with Gilmore Girls for awhile (long story, don't ask), and then upon the return to the series I got blindsided by Luke and Lorelai. Apparently when I'm not busy drooling over Milo, I actually notice the other storylines going on, and then feel stupid for not paying attention to them before because they tend to be AWESOME... But anyway, I'm back now. I make no promises, but I'm trying to at least wrap up TMF here. Maybe I'll get back to my other fics, maybe not. We'll see.

This is sort of a weird chapter, because it's really not very Jess-centric at all. I debated dragging in the whole L/L-implosion-drama for this chapter but ultimately decided against it (God knows I'm going to have to deal with that soon enough even though all I really want to do is close my eyes and scream "IT DIDN'T HAPPEN IF I CAN'T SEE IT!"), and therefore reverted to the easy fallback of Rory... and then it all sort of spiraled into a lot of Logan-related reflection... but all this dancing-around-the-edges stuff that goes on here will be important for setting up some things I have planned _way_ down the road.

* * *

Deleted Scene #6  
Partings

_"This is not the last snowfall  
__Not our last embrace  
But if I were that kind of grateful  
What would I try to say?"  
__-Vienna Teng_

* * *

Rory stared as the elevator slid shut, hiding Logan from her. She stared for a long time at the doors. She studied the bronzed textured surface of them, memorizing the random patterns in the beaten metal, finding it easier to focus on that than on who had just disappeared behind them.

After a few minutes, she let out a soft sigh that nearly broke into a sob, wiped at the tears running down her cheeks, and turned back to the interior of the apartment.

She wandered aimlessly about the open floor plan, circling the apartment dazedly several times before her shoulders slumped. She felt faintly sick to her stomach. Despite everything that had happened between herself and Logan in the past few months, she loved him still, and she wasn't quite sure what to do without him here. In the past few months she had come to expect their easy banter over a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs to keep her entertained in the morning, his charming smile and quick wit to keep her on her toes when she returned from class each afternoon. Logan was part of her routine, and that was hard to let go of. Even though she'd known he was leaving, had time to prepare herself mentally for that leave-taking, now that it was actually here she discovered that mental preparation and emotional readiness were not the same thing.

Rory felt a sharp stab of loneliness in her gut. "You're pathetic, Gilmore," she murmured to herself. "Can't even stand on your own for five minutes without your boyfriend?"

But strong, modern career woman or not, Rory hadn't been alone- _really_ alone- in months, excepting brief interludes of driving and any showers that her boyfriend didn't see fit to join. The introvert who once craved regular doses of solitude had not been left alone with her thoughts since Logan had come into her life. To be perfectly honest, she was a little bit afraid to be alone with her thoughts anymore, and for good reason. The one exception in her streak of perpetual company had been during her period of stewing between her ill-fated conversation with Mitchum Huntzberger and her arrival at the docks before the infamous Yacht Incident. Scary things happened when she let herself get too holed up inside her head.

That was a part of why Logan was such a good fit for her, she reflected. It was comfortable, it was easy. Well, their relationship hadn't always been sunshine and rainbows, God knows, but Logan could keep up with her intellectually and he never pushed the hard stuff. With his breezy disposition, blazing intelligence, and extreme tendencies toward extroversion, he filled up all the silence around her and let her just float and be Ace. She needed that. She fit nicely into the role of his Ace. To be honest, it was easier than being Rory Gilmore. She hadn't been Rory, small-town princess and her mother's angel since the day she allowed herself to become The Other Woman, and she hated that the rest of the people in her life never seemed to see that. She had made a colossal mistake, and rather than helping her own up to it and find a new definition of herself that she could be happy with while still including that unhappy truth, the world had just gone on pretending that she was the same as she had been before.

In this solitary moment of quiet reflection, Rory heard her own truths for awhile. She was allowed a pause in which the past flowed around her, and in which there were no voices all around her clamoring about what she should do and who she should be. There was only the honesty of her own heart and mind. It was something that had scared her for a long time, the reason she had made that one colossal mistake in the first place. Truth be told, she had been running from the silence and the solitude since shortly after her high school graduation. She'd had a broken heart and didn't want to admit it, didn't want to deal with it, because the wrong boy had broken it. The boy she wasn't supposed to want, the boy who was supposed to just be the result of a hormonal teenage indiscretion, had been tearing her up inside and she hadn't wanted to deal with that. Busy college life and roommates and her mother's drama and the messed-up rerun of Dean had been convenient distractions. Being with Logan had been the first time she had really felt like maybe that particular ghost had been put in the past.

Of course, that did nothing to erase the little jump in her heart she had felt when that same Wrong Boy had kissed her only a month ago. That did not explain why she had felt so guilty standing between Logan and Jess back in November, and not because she'd been with someone Not Her Boyfriend, but because she'd neglected to tell that Wrong Boy that she had a Boyfriend in the first place. It felt like a betrayal of trust, which was so stupid, because he'd broken whatever meager trust existed between them years ago. Only, she had never been able to really bring herself to hate Jess, had she? She had done a pretty good job of being mad at him for all the stupid crap he had pulled when they were younger, and she knew rationally that she had a perfect right to hate him, that anyone else probably would have... but she just didn't have it in her. If Dean had pulled even half the things Jess had done, she would never have forgiven him. Of course, Dean wouldn't have, but that wasn't the point. The point was... Jess was still her friend.

God, what the hell was she doing thinking about Jess, of all people, at a time like this?

Admittedly, he'd been on her mind a lot lately. Their renewed attempt at friendship was definitely something to ponder. And it was probably easier to fixate on Jess right now than to think about Logan's departure, after all. Yes, that was it. See, _this_ was what happened when she was left alone with her thoughts!

Rory picked up the phone. She needed to get out of her own head-space. She dialed her home number, thinking she might get a bit of perspective from a conversation with her mother.

_"Hello?"_

That was most definitely not Lorelai's voice. "Babette?" Rory asked in surprise. "What are you doing there?"

_"Oh, just waitin' on your mother, Sugah."_

"She's not home? But it's-" Rory checked her watch. "Six-thirty in the morning! Why isn't she home?"

_"I dunno for sure, but I can tell yah that she and Luke had a big fight outside the diner last night."_

Worry sparked up in Rory's heart. She didn't know what could have happened, but she had felt something bad coming between her mother and Luke for some time now. She just hoped that it wasn't anything too horrible. "Well, Babette, you keep waiting on the scoop," she said, trying to achieve a tone that sounded light and breezy. "I'm sure she'll be happy to tell you all about it when she gets home."

_"Yeah,"_ Babette said, uncharacteristically serious. _"I just know they'll work it out, Sugah. The pair of them were meant to be, yah know?"_

"Yes," Rory affirmed. "Yes they are. Goodbye, Babette."

She hung up the phone, and tried Lorelai's cell, which went straight to voicemail. She sighed and stared at the phone in her hand. Lorelai was missing in action, Paris was still in finals freakout mode, and Lane was on her honeymoon. Rory had no one to help her fill up the silence.

Wait.

Yes she did.

Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea in the world, given the tangent her wandering thoughts had seemed determined to go down not so long before, but she hadn't talked to him besides their infrequent email exchanges since that conversation about his mother's pregnancy. Friends called each other, right? Before she could lose her nerve, Rory dialed.

"Hey Jess..."


End file.
